


this awful energy

by honeyspeaches



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Angst, F/M, and there's depression but it's never addressed, god i'm suffering i'm so sorry, god so angsty, i am suffering, it's just kinda there, ngl it's pretty dark, this was inspired by x-men btw, why do i love to suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 23:16:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5762722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyspeaches/pseuds/honeyspeaches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It happens like this: the middle of summer, hot wind whipping through her hair, and there’s a strange calm surrounding them as Lucas touches his hands to Maya’s face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this awful energy

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this was inspired by x-men but then it just kinda became depressing and terrible and i kinda wanna die. 
> 
> this is my first gmw fic and my first time writing anything like this so i'm pretty nervous posting it ngl. 
> 
> title from halsey's 'control', but it is alternately Time to Suffer bc that's what you'll be doing if u read it.

**this awful energy**

***

When the people with superhuman abilities reveal themselves to the world, the media calls them antihumans, and the name sticks. It makes sense- they’re not human, not really, and there’s no reason to pretend otherwise. 

The antihumans are different.

Some of them, like Maya, have control over the elements, and others have control over people’s minds. Anything’s possible, really.

All the general public knows is this: these people are dangerous, and they don’t like it.

***

“I’m going to die,” says Maya, glancing uncertainly over the edge of the building’s roof. The ground awaits thirteen storeys below them, the hard cement waiting to take Maya to her grave. “I’m going to jump off this stupid building for your stupid science experiment and then I’ll be dead.”

Farkle seems unaffected by this. He’s holding a professional camera, with a clipboard tucked under his arm, and he claims the glasses covering his eyes are a safety precaution but Maya thinks he’s only wearing them to make himself look cooler; if that’s the case, it isn’t working. Glasses aside, he’s still wearing a lab-coat. “You’ll be fine,” he tells her. “Your powers let you control the wind, remember? You can do this- I know you can.”

Sighing deeply, she stands and brushes the dirt of the roof off her torn jeans. “Remind me to end your life,” she says, not looking at him, and then he pushes her forward and she lets herself fall.

***

Screaming, Maya Hart learns how to fly.

***

The first antihuman to kill a person is a telepath named Charlie Gardner, and it was an accident but that doesn’t lessen the horror when his powers cause a girl’s entire consciousness to fall apart. Her mind explodes, and all the protests and riots against antihuman rights are led by one Stuart Minkus.

***

Grabbing for the remote, Riley flicks the television from the news to a children’s program. She’s had enough of watching the world group together in their hatred of antihumans, and besides, Maya’s in the room, and she doesn’t need to see it. If she really wants to, she can pull back the curtains and watch the streets of New York flooded with angry marchers waving their metaphorical pitchforks.

“This is ridiculous,” says Riley, clutching her milkshake so tightly in her anger that her knuckles turn white. “That poor boy- he didn’t mean any harm, and it’s not right how they’re treating him. How they’re treating  _ all  _ of you.”

The words hang in the air for a moment, Riley watching expectantly as Maya refuses to look up from her painting. “We can’t exactly blame them, can we?” she asks finally, still not meeting her Riley’s eyes. “I  _ know  _ he didn’t want to hurt that girl, but that doesn’t make it okay. We’re different, Riley, and they’re right to be scared of us.”

Maya loves Riley, but there are some things even her best friend can’t understand. All of Maya’s problems are related to her abilities, but Riley’s just a normal teenage girl with a lot of heart, and there’s only so much she can do to make it better.

When Riley leaves, Maya dives for the remote and turns it back to the news. Stuart Minkus is standing in front of a building she recognises to be in Brooklyn- Farkle’s by his side, staring at the ground and looking uncomfortable- and speaking to the throngs of angry protesters. He’s offering one million dollars to whoever brings him Charlie Gardner.

Dead or alive.

Disgusted, Maya throws the television out the bathroom window.

***

Lucas doesn’t even realise he’s not normal until he moves to New York for university. He’s on an athletic scholarship- one of the most promising young athletes in recent memory, in fact. More than half of the country’s universities tried to recruit him. 

Biochemistry is his major, and it’s in one of his chemistry courses that he meets Farkle. The two of them get paired together for an assignment early in their second semester, and they’re sitting in the library when the truth comes out.

“So,” says Farkle, chewing on a pen, “have you always had your abilities, or did they develop with puberty?” He asks this like it’s a totally normal question, and one that Lucas should know the answer to.

Lucas jerks his head up, surprised, and knocks a pile of textbooks to the ground as he does so. “ _ What _ ? he asks, eyes wide. He doesn’t know what Farkle’s talking about; it’s never even occurred to him that he might not be just like everyone else.

“Oh,” says Farkle, blinking. “Did you not know? Sorry, I thought you must. You can’t be such an exceptional sportsman naturally, surely. Some probably consider it cheating, but I personally find nothing wrong with capitalising on one’s strengths.” There’s a moment of silence, and then, “I wonder if you’ve got enhanced strength or enhanced speed.”

A week later, they determine it’s both, and Lucas quits the teams he plays on because it doesn’t seem fair. He stays on as a coach, but it’s not the same. He misses feeling the wind in his hair.

***

They meet like this: pure chance. 

***

The diner where Maya works is on fire, and it’s all her fault. 

She’d been closing up for the night, all the straggling customers having been kicked out, when she glanced up at the small television on the counter and saw that Charlie Gardner had been handed over to Stuart Minkus. 

Maya hadn’t meant to snap- setting fire to the small building had been an accident. She was angry and then then she was burning.

Coughing, she sits up from where she’d fallen on the ground. She can only see smoke and flames and no matter how hard she tries, she can’t get the fire back under her control. It grows and it grows, and it registers in her mind that she’s probably about to die.

***

Lucas, meanwhile, is on his way back from a party at a fraternity when he turns a corner and sees a burning building filling the world around him with grey smoke and the smell of melting plastic. 

There are a number of other people watching, but none of them are doing anything. One of them is on the phone to the fire department, but the rest are just standing there with looks of mild horror on their face’s.

The way Lucas sees it, he doesn’t have a choice. Covering his mouth and nose, he darts into the fire. 

In a stroke of good luck, the building is practically empty. The only person he can see is a small blonde girl, cowering in a corner with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her corner is the only part of the diner that the flames aren’t touching, and he’s already moving towards her when she glances up and sees him for the first time. 

***

“I’m fine,” says Maya, pushing away the boy’s concerned hands. He’d been poking and prodding her for at least ten minutes- he claims he’s checking her vitals and looking for broken bones, but she doesn’t think he has any idea what he’s doing. “The fire didn’t even touch me.”

Her supposed hero steps back, giving her breathing room, and he doesn’t meet her eyes. He’s tall and tanned and she supposes his face would be attractive if it wasn’t so smudged with dirt and ash. “Sorry,” he says, and he sounds sincere. “I’m Lucas, by the way.” 

“Maya,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m Maya.”

***

The media spins it like this: Maya Hart, a deranged and villainous antihuman, had a fight with her boss and set fire to the business as part of a twisted revenge plot. Lucas Friar, a morally upstanding and deliciously normal witness, risked his life to save her.

***

It’s Farkle’s idea to break Charlie out. 

“We can’t just let my father experiment on him however he wants,” he insists, his hands holding Maya by the shoulders and shaking her slightly. His eyes are wide, frantic, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. 

Maya fights the urge to point out that Farkle spends all of  _ his  _ time experimenting on her and Lucas however _ he _ wants, and shoves him off. “Farkle, what are we supposed to do?” she asks, hands on her hips and eyebrows raised. “He  _ killed  _ a girl.”

The look on Farkle’s face betrays him; she has a point, and he knows it. “He’s just a kid,” he says, and his tone is so miserable that Maya wraps an arm around him and plants a light kiss on his cheek. 

“We’re all just kids,” she says. “And I feel bad for him, but I don’t see how I can help.”

In the end, Farkle gets his way.

***

Neither of them speak as they step out of the car. Lucas, instructed to dress for stealth, is in all black and has a pair of dark glasses over his eyes even though it’s the middle of the night, and it’s making it hard for Maya to concentrate. 

Before they reach the lab’s entrance, she reaches up and pulls the glasses off of his head and throws them into a nearby bush. He makes a noise of complaint, and she sends him a disdainful look. “Don’t be such a huckleberry,” she tells him, ignoring the questioning glance she gets in response. "I'll buy you a new pair if we make it out of here alive. _If._ "

The Minkus Industries lab where Charlie Gardner is being held is just outside of the city, and looks more like a mansion than a place of science, but Farkle showed them the pictures of the inside and it’s absolutely horrific. It reminds Maya of something straight off the pages of one of the dystopian novels Farkle loves so much. 

“We’re going to get caught,” says Maya, though her tone is light and casual and she doesn’t seem bothered. “There’s no way we’re not.” 

Lucas smiles. “Have a little faith,” he says, and something about the way he’s looking at her makes her take the advice. “And, hey, even if we do get caught, at least we’ll be together, right?” 

Rolling her eyes, she again tells him not to be a huckleberry.

***

It takes them less than a half hour to liberate Charlie Gardner.

***

“So, what now?” asks Charlie, staring at the ceiling from where he’s sprawled across Riley’s bed. 

The whole gang’s here: Riley’s curled up beside Charlie, eyes sleepy and half closed, and Farkle’s sitting cross-legged on the ground. Maya and Lucas are sitting in the bay window, facing one another and not saying anything. 

Farkle shrugs. “What do you want to do?” he asks, but no one has an answer for him. He shrugs again. “Well, Charlie wasn’t the only antihuman who’s been locked up. You could try and help them, too.” 

“I’m no hero,” says Maya softly. 

Lucas nudges her with his foot. “But you could be,” he says. There’s a smile on his face, but it isn’t a happy one- it looks awfully sad, and she doesn’t like it. He’s not someone who deserves to be sad. “All you have to do is want it.” 

There’s a mumbling from the bed. Riley pushes herself into a sitting position, and unlike Lucas, her smile is radiant. She brushes a strand of hair away from her face. “Maya would be a great hero,” she says.

That’s what settles it. 

***

It’s not until after everyone’s gone that Farkle unfolds himself from the floor and folds himself into the bed beside Riley. She’s almost asleep again, but she rolls onto her side to face him. “You think this is a good idea?” she asks, biting her lip after she finishes speaking, looking like she isn’t even sure of her own opinion on the matter. 

“It’s our  _ only _ idea,” says Farkle. 

Riley hums her agreement, resting her head against Farkle’s chest. “Everything will be okay in the end, though, won’t it?”

Farkle pauses, and nods. 

***

“Don’t look now,” says Lucas, crossing the street with Maya beside him, “but they’re taking photos again.” 

Maya, never one to do as she’s told, glances around him and sees a group of paparazzi huddled together and taking photos of the two. She scowls, letting her hair fall and cover her face from the flash. “I hate it,” she says, sticking close to Lucas’ side. “I  _ hate  _ it.” 

“Ignore them,” says Lucas, his arm dropping protectively around her shoulder. She tenses at his touch, but doesn’t move away like she normally does. The cameras have her too on edge. “They can’t touch you.” 

After the incident with the burning diner, a few people would snap pictures of them now and again, if they were really desperate for a story, but since rescuing Charlie it’s escalated. Nobody’s willing to try turning them over to the authorities- or worse, Stuart Minkus- but everyone’s willing to plaster their face’s across the country’s tabloids.

God, Maya hates it. She wonders what they’ll do when the three of them- she and Lucas and Charlie- announce their intention to keep fighting the ridiculous prejudices and restrictions over their kind. 

“You okay?” asks Lucas as they turn into a quieter street, looking at her with no small amount of concern. 

Maya purses her lips. “Just  _ peachy _ ,” she tells him. 

***

The code-names are Riley’s idea, a result of her inherent need to be useful, but the only one she actually thinks up herself is Charlie’s. 

“Boom Boy?” he asks, incredulous, looking at her like she’s insane. “You want me to call myself  _ Boom Boy?”  _ He shakes his head furiously, arms crossed across his chest. “There’s no  _ way _ , Matthews.”

Maya, sitting still on one of the swings at the abandoned park they’d discovered, smiles, which is something she hasn’t done in a while and feels almost unfamiliar. “Well, you  _ do  _ make things go boom,” she says. “Minds, anyway- and you  _ are  _ a boy, I think, so it makes sense.” 

There’s a sudden pressure on her back, and she tilts her head back to see Lucas standing behind her, his palms flat on her leather jacket. “Need a push?” he asks, smiling down at her, his face unbearably attractive in the warm afternoon light. She nods, not able to form an actual answer to his ridiculous request, and then the swing is moving. 

Charlie ignores both Maya’s words and her current state of being airborne. “It’s so  _ stupid _ ,” he tells Riley, who looks more than a little offended by this admission. “It sounds like it’s from a cartoon, and besides, I don’t want to be known as the guy who sometimes blows people up.” 

“Only minds,” says Farkle, unhelpfully. “And I hate to break this to you, but you already  _ are  _ known as the guy who sometimes blows people up.” He’s lying in the grass, hand resting on Riley’s bare calf, and there’s a book about physics covering half of his face. “I think it’s a pretty apt code-name.” 

Charlie throws up his hands in defeat. “Fine,” he says. “But it’s Boom  _ Man _ , because I ain’t no boy.” He drops onto the ground face-first, and he says something else but it’s muffled by the grass. 

“What should Lucas’ code-name be?” asks Riley, pushing a small daisy behind an obedient Farkle’s ear. She beams at the result. 

“Oh, easy,” says Maya, her voice high above them because the question caught her mid-swing. “Isn’t it obvious?” When everyone looks at her expectantly, she sighs, and then grins. “He’s  _ Huckleberry _ .” 

Lucas, okay with pretty much anything, shrugs. “Not as bad as Boom Man,” he says easily, and that’s that. He’s Huckleberry. “Has a nice ring to it. Thanks, Pancake.” 

At the nickname- which he’s been calling her for  _ weeks _ , despite her constant threats of disfiguring him if he doesn’t stop- she loses control for a moment, and a gust of wind of her own design catapults her halfway across the park. She lands in a crumpled heap in the sandpit; the force of the blast knocks Lucas off his feet, and he’s picking the bark from under the swing out of his hair. 

“Watch it, Huckleberry,” she snarls, already making her way back over to her friends. “I’m not very fun when I’m mad.” 

Lucas’ grin is sheepish and lopsided, a little guilty and a lot amused. There’s a  _ twinkle  _ in his eyes, damn it. “You’re always fun,” he says. “That’s why I stick around, Pancake.” 

Wanting to change the subject before Maya accidentally drowns someone, Farkle throws one of Riley’s flowers at Charlie. “Hey, Boom Man,” he says. “I’m curious to see you in action. What’s Lucas thinking about right now?” 

Charlie, bored and not liking people to know when he’s reading their mind’s, rolls his eyes. He flips onto his back so he can be heard, and then, “Huckleberry’s thinking that Pancake’s really pretty when she’s being magical.” 

“He-  _ what _ ?” splutters Maya, her eyes shifting from narrowed to wide as she processes the information. She’d been heading back to the swing, but lingers as she watches for Lucas’ response. 

Lucas is silent.

Sensing that he’d said something he probably shouldn’t have, Charlie quickly adds, “Also that he’s really hungry and thinks we should all go for pizza.” He jumps up, brushing himself off. “Pizza?” 

Maya still looks suspicious, but all she says is, “Sounds great.” 

As the five of them leave the park, Charlie mutters, “Nailed it.” 

***

The dreams are like this: she’s drowning, or burning, or she can’t breathe, or the world is swallowing her whole, and there’s nothing she can do to stop it- she can only wait for death to catch up with her, and she never fights when it does. 

That’s not all, though. 

He’s always there, too, watching as she succumbs to a hell of her own making, and sometimes he’s trying to help her, but other times he just stands there and lets her slip away from him.

She isn’t sure which is worse, which she hates more. 

***

The first antihuman the three of them save as a team is a girl named Missy Bradford, who can fly, and they ask if she wants to join them, but she spits in Charlie's face and says she deserves to be locked away like she was. 

***

Somehow, their little group of renegades gets quite popular- much of the public views them as the only people willing to fight the world’s injustice, and the support for the rights of anithumans grows at least twenty percent in just a few months. 

One crazed fan starts a blog dedicated to them, and he starts a rumour that Maya and Lucas are dating. 

It spreads like wildfire.

***

Maya wakes up before the sunrise one morning and realises she’s more attached the Lucas than she really wants to be. Standing under the shower’s cold stream, she takes a deep breath, and, “Well, shit.” 

***

There’s a protest at Times Square- a protest against  _ them _ \- and Farkle insists on them going. He’s, as usual, standing by his father. The dutiful son, but his eyes are full of malice and the scowl on his face is unmistakable. 

Maya is standing in the back with Lucas, while Riley and Charlie are near the front- they’re both yelling at Stuart Minkus, but he has a megaphone and they don’t, and whatever their message is, it certainly isn’t getting across. Lucas’ body is warm next to her, and she’s too aware of the way it moves and ripples with energy, like at any moment he could jump out of his skin and have his hands clasped around someone’s throat in an instant. She feels, sometimes, like she could do the same.

She doesn’t think as she reaches out and rests a hand on his forearm. Her grip tightens until it hurts her to hold him, but with his strength she doubts he feels anything more than a light pressure. He looks at her in surprise, and then he’s prying her hand off- only to take it in his own, their fingers intertwining. The shivers that runs up her spine is involuntary and almost painful.

“This is disgusting,” says Lucas, and she’s so dazed that for a moment she thinks he’s talking about their hands together, about  _ her _ , but then he’s jerking his head at Farkle’s father, and she gets it. “How can so many people come out and support a madman?” 

Maya doesn’t have an answer so she doesn’t try to provide one. She leans in closer to him, her head flush against his shoulder, and he’s using his fingers to trace patterns on the back of her hand, and if she wasn’t so attuned to the feel of his tanned skin then she’d think this couldn’t be real. Even as it is, she’s not sure it’s really happening. She could just be high. 

“I think,” she whispers, pulling away, “that I need to be somewhere else right now.” 

The light breeze blows a little harder, and Lucas seems to understand, because he ducks past a group of  _ kids  _ holding ‘HUMANS ONLY’ signs, and then he’s wrapping his arms around her and everything around them is a blur as they run through the city. 

He stops in the same park they’d seen Charlie’s powers firsthand for the first time, and she doubles over, gasping for breath. He has the decency to look away as she throws up- she isn’t sure whether it’s from the speed or from the protest, but she feels better when she does it, and then she falls to her knees and starts to cry. 

Lucas crouches down beside her. He wraps his arms around her, and she lets him. Maya’s so tired of being afraid.

***

It happens like this: the middle of summer, hot wind whipping through her hair, and there’s a strange calm surrounding them as Lucas touches his hands to Maya’s face. 

“It’s okay,” he tells her. “It’s all okay.” 

There’s no chance for her to respond- not that she knows what to say, anyway- because he’s kissing her, his mouth soft and sweet and everything it should be, everything she isn’t. 

When she turns on her heel and leaves him in the alley, she knows he could catch her. He doesn’t even try. 

***

Missy Bradford, the one person who knows how it feels to fly, is murdered by a fourteen year old bigot who somehow managed to get his hands on a gun. The only people at her funeral are Maya and Lucas and Charlie and Riley and Farkle- and another antihuman, a boy named Zay, who can make himself look like anything or anyone he wants. He was Missy’s boyfriend. 

Even her family- and she has one, according to Zay, a big one- is conspicuously absent. 

The headstone is defaced less than a week later. 

***

“Are you sure about this?” asks Riley, chewing her lower lip and looking like she wants to cry. “Are you sure you’re sure?” 

Zay smiles, but there’s no cheeriness in it. It’s bitter and angry and promises vengeance. “I’m sure,” he says. “Just call me Chameleon.” 

***

Zay makes them stronger, bolder, and everything they do is on a much larger scale than before. The people who listen to Stuart Minkus are becoming more aggressive, but so are they, and when someone who isn’t them tries to shoot Stuart in broad daylight, they realise they’re  _ winning _ . It’s not something they’d ever expected, but it sure feels nice. 

***

There’s two months between the kiss and the time that Maya lets herself be alone with Lucas again, and even then it’s in a very public setting. They’re sitting at a table in a library, and he’s not watching her, but she’s watching him.

She watches the way he crinkles his nose whenever he doesn’t understand something, she watches the way he starts to move- tapping his feet, curling his spare hand into a fist, cracking his neck- almost like he doesn’t even realise it whenever he’s been still for too long, and she watches him pay her no attention in a way that seems almost purposeful. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, not able to take it anymore. 

Lucas looks up, startled. He blinks once, twice. “Okay,” he says, and goes back to his work, before sighing and throwing his pen down. It hits the table too hard and bounces off, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Wait, what are you sorry for?”

Oh. Maya isn’t prepared for this- she’d expected quiet acceptance and subtle forgiveness at best, and barely concealed hostility at worst- and she realises she’s not even sure of the answer herself, so she shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says. “For being me?” 

“Don’t be,” he says, not hesitating at all. His voice is light, but he’s frowning. “Don’t apologise for who you are.” That’s when he does hesitate for a moment, the silence beating down on them, suffocating her. “I like who you are.”

The silence continues. 

“Okay,” says Maya, finally. “Right. Thanks, I guess.” 

Lucas goes back to studying, and she knows she likes who he is, too.

***

Farkle proposes to Riley on her twentieth birthday because he figures marrying a Matthews is the best thing he can do to piss off his father- that, or marry an antihuman, but Maya’s not his type and Charlie’s ‘kind of’ dating a guy from Brooklyn- and Riley doesn’t really care what his motives are because he loves her regardless and she really, really loves weddings. 

They’re all there when he gets down on one knee, and Zay squeals just as loudly as Riley when he sees the size of the diamond, and Charlie and Maya are both rolling their eyes. Lucas is smiling- not that Maya knows this because she’s not watching him, she’s not, damn it. 

Okay. She’s watching him, but only because he’s directly across from her and it’s kind of hard not to. That’s it, honestly, and it’s really not a big deal, except it is, because he’s not watching her and it makes her want to scream.

Charlie jumps in surprise, dropping his drink bottle. The water inside it is bubbling and boiling, and it explodes as soon as it hits the ground, spraying everyone near it. 

“Sorry,” mumbles Maya. “That was my fault.” 

Charlie gives her a knowing look, and she scowls.  _ Get out of my head, Boom Man _ , she thinks, and he shrugs, turning away and clapping as Riley and Farkle kiss in a way that probably isn’t appropriate for the public setting.

“Everything alright?” asks Lucas, staring at Maya, a strange expression on his face. He’s had a haircut recently, and it sticks up a little, and it looks good. “You’ve been out of it all week.” 

Maya doesn’t meet his eyes when she tells him she’s fine. 

***

This time it’s deliberate, and Maya’s beating her knuckles against Lucas’ door before she can convince herself not to. The lock clicks a minute later, and he’s standing there with wet hair and no shirt and she doesn’t even give herself a minute to admire his chest before the words are spilling out of her as easily as water spills over the edge of her bath. 

“I love you,” she says, a little out of breath from running up seven flights of stairs- the elevator, of course, is out of order- and heat’s blossoming in her cheeks. “I don’t even know  _ how  _ or  _ why  _ and I kind of hate it, but I don’t hate  _ you _ , even though I really, really want to, and I feel so stupid and I’m sorry I’m such a mess, and I know I hurt you when I ran away last time, but I really fucking love you and I don’t think you know that and I really need for you to know that.” She pauses, swallowing anymore rambling words. “Shit. I love you.”

Lucas’ mouth has fallen wide open, but she doesn’t give him a chance to reply before she’s wrapping her arms around his neck. His mouth might be soft and sweet, but hers isn’t, damn it, because she wants this and she needs this and she doesn’t know how else to show him she means everything. He moans, low in his throat, and her chest tightens. 

And then he’s stumbling back, pushing her away and running a hand through his hair and looking like she imagines he’d look if someone killed his dog in front of him. “I can’t,” he’s saying, his voice breaking, and, oh, shit, a pretty redhead who isn’t wearing anything but one of his shirts appears in the doorway, and then the door’s slamming and there’s nothing but burning silence. 

Maya steps back, leaning against the wall for a minute, her eyes closed and her chest heaving unevenly, and then she’s running from the apartment, and she feels like she can’t breathe. 

***

“I’m sorry,” says Lucas the next time they see each other. “Fuck, Maya, I’m  _ so  _ sorry.” 

The air around them is as thick and heavy as the silence stretching between them, and after a moment she gives a shrug, controlled and deliberate. “It’s fine,” she says. “I was drunk, anyway. I don’t remember half of what I said, and I doubt I meant any of it.” 

She’s never been so thankful for being such a good liar. She walks away, and tries her hardest to not look back.

***

Maya’s heart breaks like this: it’s winter, and the rain’s blurring her vision, and a single shot rings out in the darkness, and then there’s a heavy body falling against hers and they’re both tumbling to the ground, and she’s in shock but is lucid enough for it to register that the blood on her hands isn’t her own. 

The red blooms from a hole in his shirt over his chest, and the rain washes it to the ground, and her hands trying frantically trying to stop the bleeding spread it to everything else she touches. 

He opens his mouth to say something, but his chest is moving too rapidly, so desperate for air that he can’t speak, and she punches the cement once, twice, until the blood on her hands is coming from two separate wounds, and she presses her face against his, crying too hard to say everything he’d been trying to, to let him know that she  _ knows _ .

Around them, two trees fall to the ground, and one of them collapses on the man with the gun. The wind turns vicious and a circle of orange flares around them and the rain turns to sharp, cold daggers, and she doesn’t notice any of it. 

***

Surrounded by fire, Lucas Friar dies.

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry wow  
> pls let me know what you think!


End file.
